Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Ozzy Osbourne Announces Retirement In Wake Of Chavez's Comments To U.N.

Beverly Hills, CA--Aging demonic rocker Ozzy Osbourne has announced his retirement from the music business in the wake of comments recently made by Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez describing George Bush as a "racist, imperialist devil."

"All my life, people have called me 'The Prince of Darkness,' even me mum," said Osbourne in a recent press gathering at his Beverly Hills estate.

"It kind of takes some of the sting out of it now that they are calling President Bush that as well."

Osbourne is referring to a speech made yesterday to the U.N. general assembly by Chavez where he called Bush "The Great Satan," and mentioned that he thought he still smelled sulfur at the podium where Bush recently spoke, which we will admit is a pretty good line.

Osbourne, who rose to fame as the lead singer of the proto-metal outfit Black Sabbath, has made a career out of biting the heads off of small woodland creatures and acting in a generally menacing, if not altogether threatening manner.

"I've spent the last 40 years singing in front of flaming devil heads and spitting out fake blood at my fans, and now Bush comes along and steals my thunder just by starting an unnecessary war," moaned Osbourne.

"If you all will pardon me now, I need to go and remove all of the crosses and pentagrams from my walls and replace them with pictures of Hello Kitty."

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