"We must put all of our efforts into keeping hurricanes like Paul out of our country, since they bring wages down for local cyclones, and tend to put a strain on many of our resources as well," said the president.
"For this reason, I am urging the National Guard to be extra vigilant over the weekend in their attempts to keep Mexican hurricanes from crossing our borders."
President Bush went on to say that he was disappointed with the worldwide response to Norman and Oliver--two previous American hurricanes that failed to cause much of a stir and eventually petered out somewhere off the coast of North Carolina.
"Of course, a hurricane like Paul is going to cause twice as much damage as American storm, and do it for a much lower price, because it has nothing to lose. Paul probably comes from a country where there are no personal freedoms; one which is run by a ruthless dictator who controls all the weather within his own territory," explained President Bush.
"Any hurricane that manages to survive that kind of persecution is just going to end up making trouble for all of us here in the States. I know all that torrential rain and thunder is impressive--hell, even I am impressed---but hurricanes like Paul are just ill foreign winds that ain't going to end up blowing anybody any good."