We've got thousands of pins and visors already printed with Phil's picture on them, but all of a sudden, it is like Phil never existed," stated Angelides' campaign manager Jose Barerra.
"Schwarzenegger claims he was home all weekend resting, but we are pretty sure he contacted SkyNet and had them send him back to turn-of-the-century Greece to terminate Phil's grandfather Stavros, thereby ensuring a clean victory in next week's election."
Stavros Milos Angelides, a peasant olive farmer from Mykonos, Greece, would have offered little resistance to a T-800 model Terminator with cybernetic arm and a lust for blood.
"All of a sudden, all the history books say Stavros was killed under mysterious circumstances in the early twenties, when I know for a fact he was still alive in the mid-'70s when Phil and I graduated from Harvard," claims Barerra. "In addition, Phil's dad is still alive, so Schwarzenegger would have had to go back two generations not to arouse any suspicion."
Schwarzenegger, who agreed to answer a few questions at an impromptu press conference last Tuesday, refuted the claims of his opponent's supporters, and said that he was unfamiliar with anyone named Angelides.
"I have run unopposed for the entire election, and now, at the last minute, the Democrats come up with some crazy story to make me look like the bad guy. I never heard of this Angelides character, and resent the allegation that I am some sort of futuristic monster constructed of living tissue over a metal endoskeleton."
"I'm just in good shape for my age," claimed Schwarzenegger, "though technically, I won't be manufactured by Cyberdyne for another twenty-three years."
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