"We have cried 'come out, come out wherever you are' numerous times, in English and in Arabic, but this guy just won't play fair," said CIA Director Hunt S. Finito in a recent press conference.
"If you remember back when we were young, there was always one kid on every block who was so good at hiding, that you eventually just gave up looking for him. Well, Osama bin Laden is like that kid."
Finito also stated that the CIA was "pretty sure" that the al-Qaeda leader was hiding somewhere along the common border of Pakistan and Afghanistan. Although, added Finito, "we haven't ruled out Kryzjkistan, or one of those other 'stans--aww, hell, we just give up, OK?"
Osama bin Laden was last seen back in October, when he released a cryptic video in which he claimed "I am in your base, killing all your d00ds." The CIA has done a thorough check of our foreign military bases, but has seen no sign of the infamous terrorist.
The CIA instead plans to focus their resources from this point on toward recapturing Saddam Hussein, who put on a fresh suit and walked out of jail undetected last Friday.
Hussein, who was put on trial and convicted for murdering half of his country, apparently told a prison guard that he left his car double-parked outside the courtroom, and that he would be right back in just a minute or two.