Thursday, November 23, 2006

"As God Is My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly"

Cincinnati, OH--An advertising stunt dreamed up by a local Cincinnati radio station went terribly wrong when twenty live turkeys plummeted to their deaths after being dropped out of a helicopter under the misguided assumption that they would all just fly away.

"The turkeys were hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement," stated Les Nessman, who reported the event live for station WKRP from the parking lot of the Pinedale shopping mall.

"It was just terrible. People started to panic and were running around the parking lot screaming. One of the turkeys even crashed right through the windshield of a parked car."

Station Manager Arthur Carlson took full responsibility for the chaos caused by the Thanksgiving Day promotion, claiming that "as God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

The station promises to fully reimburse anybody who suffered property damage as a result of this stunt.

WKRP is a "beautiful music" station that ranks 16th in the 18 station Cincinnati market. They are currently considering a format change in hopes of boosting their dismal ratings.


REO Speedwagon - Live - You Get What You Play For - Flying Turkey Trot

82 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okaaaay...this is from a TV show. Didn't really happen.

Anonymous said...

Baby, if you ever wondered... wondered whatever became of me... I'm livin' on the air in Cincinati. Cincinati WKRP. Ah, Good Times.

Anonymous said...

Man that guy should be locked up, what an idiot.

Anonymous said...

BOGUS STORY.. This is taken directly from the classic TV sitcom WKRP

Here's the Youtube link to this episode. It's funny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZByndN_ffyw

Gary said...

Classic.

Anonymous said...

Funny joke! WKRP was a good TV show in its day :)

Greg said...

"Turkeys Away"
gs: Michael Fairman [ Shoe Store Owner ]
Feeling left out because he doesn't have anything to do, Mr. Carlson suddenly decides to take full charge of every aspect of the station. He then proceeds to come up with a special, top-secret Thanksgiving day promotion involving twenty live turkeys.

b: 30 Oct 78 pc: 008 w: Bill Dial d: Michael Zinberg
NOTE: This is the series' most famous episode.

From the episode guide

A fine episode, I must say

Anonymous said...

haha, thats funny, I thought they could fly too. guess i was wrong. :)

Anonymous said...

I hope the radio station & those invloved are charged with whatever animal cruelty & abuse laws exist in that state. I find it extremely hard to believe that out of everyone involved, someone didn't know that turkeys can't fly like a bird. Or that they at least didn't think to ask someone with half a brain. They can't surely be that stupid. I think they're lying about their complete ignorance & I hope the courts see through it & hit them hard to set an example.
Just because the animals involved are turkeys does not make it any less cruel. How would people feel if they threw cats out of the helicopter claiming they thought cats always landed on their feet..?!

Anonymous said...

Didn't I see this on tv 20 YEARS ago!

Hamza said...

you really dont need to plagiarize off of an old tv show to make your blog popular you douchebag

Jaysen said...

as a Cincinnatian, i must let you know, that WKRP is not a real station here. nor, was there any turkies(sp?) dropped from a helicopter.

Anonymous said...

Yeah right. Of the dozen or so people who would have to be involved with this NONE of them knew turkeys didn't fly?

Bull!

GraphicArtist2k5 said...

not to sound cruel, but this story is some funny stuff. and is there really a real "les nessman" that works at "wkrp in cincinnati", or is this some sort of lame ass joke? is cincinnati really that boring of a place that a story like this has to be made up so that people will think it's not as boring as it really is?

jackb said...

This is so very wrong, and yet so very comical in a "that's so wrong" kinda way. Poor Turkeys. Stupid Humans. Anyone ever seen a Turkey fly as high as a Helicoptor?!

Anonymous said...

Yes, this was from the TV show "WKRP in Cincinatti"

Bill said...

If only WKRP had a receptionist with fantastic attenuation!

Ruddiger said...

One of my all time favourite WKRP episodes. Although I was only 8 when it aired, I was in tears.

Jeremy said...

This is just a script taken directly from WKRP in Cincinatti - the TV SHOW... :\

Anonymous said...

I wish I could see a video of it, pls upload it if you have one. TQ.

Games I like: Unification Wars

Anonymous said...

Okay, I've obviously come into this movie halfway through, but why are you reporting stories that happened on the TV series "WKRP in Cincinatti" as if they were real events?

Devon said...

Amazing story haha.

Anonymous said...

If only it was true ...but it ain't.

http://radio.about.com/library/weekly/blwkrpturkey.htm

jml1911a1 said...

Turkeys CAN fly--wild ones. The ones they raise for meat don't get any exercise, and they're overweight for their wing size.

Anonymous said...

For the record, turkeys can fly. Wild turkeys. Domesticated turkeys however, cannot.

Anonymous said...

GET THIS GUY OUT OF THE CITY. HAS HE EVER SEEN A WILD TURKEY? THERE'S AS MUCH DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A THANKSGIVING BUTTERBALL TURKEY, AND A WILD TURKEY, AS THERE IS BETWEEN A GLIDER AND AN F-16.
DOES HE KNOW ANY HUNTERS? DID HE TELL ANYONE ELSE, OVER 30, BEFORE HE TOOK THE TURKEYS UP? SOMEONE IN CINCINATTI, HAS BEEN HUNTING, OR HAS SEEN A WILD TURKEY BEFORE.

Steve said...

i still remember that episode....

Glenn said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I missed the ref, but my father in law thought it was funny. I watched the show like once.

Josh Farkas said...

Yes, I enjoyed this classic 1978 episode of TV sitcom "WKRP in Cincinnati" too.

For more info:
http://radio.about.com/library/weekly/blwkrpturkey.htm

Anonymous said...

Ell oh ell, posting an episode of WKRP in Cincinnati as fact! Sad thing is, it got me until my much more tv-knowledgeable girlfriend told me otherwise ;)

Doug said...

That's the funniest thing and most horrible thing I'ved seen, heard, or read today. Is it wrong to laugh and be in shock at the same time?

Anonymous said...

is there a video link of this?

JulieB said...

Oh, for god's sake people, this is an ad -- for a tv show from the late 70s. JulieB

Huggie said...

Where's the video???

Anonymous said...

"WKRP in Cincinnati" is an old TV show you moron. This was one of their more popular episodes.

Anonymous said...

So I take it no one knows that WKRP was a tv show. Not even a very good tv show.

Anonymous said...

:) Thanks for the memory when T.V. was subtle and funny as heck !

Robert said...

lol

Paul Fischer said...

Duh!

WKRP was a TV show. This was one of their episodes.

Gerry said...

It was funnier when it was done on W.K.R.P, 10 plus years ago!

jhibbard said...

would be better had they used a true radio station for this.

Anonymous said...

Domesticated turkeys can't, but wild turkeys can fly up to 55 mph for short distances. They're also fast on their feet, hitting land speeds of up to 25 mph.

Anonymous said...

yeah, breaking news: it was a tv show! i think everyone's clear on that. well, obviously not everyone, but it's safe to say that this blogger is; so what? it's still funny as hell. people take themselves too seriously, i think. great story.

Anonymous said...

I honestly cannot believe that there are people out there that DON'T GET IT!!! I would have thought that EVERYONE knew of Les Nesman and his invisible office!!!

Anonymous said...

Love how everyone just skips all the other comments. Someone posted a link to the damn video if you would just read. I am from Cincinnati, and I wish some funny shit like that would happen for real. And yes I think turkey plummeting to their deaths is hilarious. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

I love it when idiots post a reply without reading what has already been said. Aaah but dumb people are what make the world funny I guess.

Anonymous said...

thanks for bringing back some fun memories. The invisible office of Les Nesmon, Venus Flytrap, Dr. Johnny Fever....ahhh good times.
Another favorite...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFJrJksb0g0

Anonymous said...

hahahaha one of the funniest moments in t.v. history. you have to see the entire episode , the look on their faces as they are listening to the broadcast. almost hindenburg like . i laugh every time i think about it.

Anonymous said...

Turkeys can fly motherfuckers. Have you never been turkey hunting and had them fly in on you? How do you think they get in trees to sleep they sure don't climb the tree with their opposable thumbs.

betsy said...

those poor turkeys.....he should be thrown out of the fuckin helicopter now!!!!!

Anonymous said...

How many idiots can respond to this and not read the first few comments saying it is not real.

Johny Fever would be ashamed of you!

Anonymous said...

Fuck your shit blog!

Anonymous said...

This will be the only time you ever get comments on this POS blog.

Anonymous said...

actually turkeys can flyits just for small amounts of time and turkeys arnt the smartest animals so they all most likely were too scared to remember they can fly because no turkey has been taught how to fly out of an air plane

Joe said...

What a great show! Thanks for the Nostalgia!

Anonymous said...

funny because turkeys can fly...

Anonymous said...

plus turkeys can fly.... wild turkeys fly up in to there roosts every night and fly down in the morning....

Anonymous said...

To all the people who are getting upset about this, did they even realize that this is a WKRP episode quote? This never even happened. Are you guys that stupid!!! Kudos to you, I think it's funny.

Anonymous said...

Jesus christ, some of you idiots need to read the comments before you post. This never happened. It is fictional.

Anonymous said...

Oh my God.

To the stupid people who think this man should be locked up, firstly, it didn't really happen! You idiots. Like the very first comment said, it was from a show.

Secondly, all you people that still think it's real are idiots. I hope Darwinism gets to you eventually.

Anonymous said...

OMG, some of you people are complete absolute idiots, getting all pissed off about the mistreatment of turkeys, c'mon it's a fake post replayin an old episode of WKRP (great show, miss it, even though I only ever caught it in reruns, as I'm too young to have seen it still on the air) Man, like the other person said, you should read the comments before you get all activist on us and start posting stuff that would make PETA proud.
Btw, I'm a Member of PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals). Thank you and good night.

Yo Mama said...

Okay, so I just have to emphasize this even more. You would have to be an utter and complete RETARD to not realize from the first comment that this is from the t.v. show. These people are fucking morons and we should throw them out of helicopters to see if they can fly. Turkey is delicious.

Anonymous said...

Bloody brilliant!!! Love that episode!

Anonymous said...

OK, all you people that are commenting on how bogus this story is need to walk away from the computer and come back only when your brain is inserted and working properly.

Of course it's a bogus story. Nobody was claiming that it was legit. If they were trying to pass this off as factual, they would have changed the station id from WKRP, changed the city, and changed the names of the people. Even then, it would have been instantly recognizable to millions of people.

I laughed out loud as soon as I read the headline. This was the funniest line on the funniest episode of one of the funniest tv shows to ever be shown on tv. The look of horror on his face as these words were uttered made the delivery of the line a classic moment in tv history.

Any time I hear someone make a reference to WKRP, the first thought that comes to mind is "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

Even now, twenty something years later, it makes me laugh out loud just to think about this episode.

Anonymous said...

OK, all of you people that have posted comments about wild turkeys being able to fly are wrong. I have been hunting wild turkeys for more than 30 years, and know a great deal about them.

Yes, wild turkeys do sleep in trees, but they do not fly up to the tree branches. Wild turkeys are avid carpenters. Every afternoon, they gather into a discussion group, pick a tree they would like to sleep in for the night, then divide into 3 work groups.

Group 1 will wander around gathering twigs and branches from the ground and bring them to a collection point.

Group 2 will use those twigs and branches to construct a spiral staircase around the trunk of the tree.

Group 3 will gather clumps of grass and weave them into a pseudo shag carpet to pad the steps on the staircase.

When all the work is done, they will stroll up the staircase and find a nice spot on a tree branch to sleep for the night.

I've seen it happen many, many times! I know what I'm talking about!

The only time I've ever witnessed a wild turkey fly was once when a fight broke out in a bar and a bottle of Wild Turkey went flying across the room.

Anonymous said...

I know for a fact turkeys can fly, at least wild ones. I have had one fly right over me, and man do they move a lot of air with thse wings.

Alan said...

That was a great show!

Anonymous said...

turkeys can fly in the wild or on a farm, but they aren't pumped full of drugs to make them 25-30lbs.
and to the "How would people feel if they threw cats out of the helicopter claiming they thought cats always landed on their feet..?!"
i'd kick back in a lawn chair and laugh my ass off all day long if someone did the world that kind of favor.

Anonymous said...

Bet you'll think twice about trying to fool us again, asshole!
Lawsuit Filed Against Blogger

LakeEffect said...

You can find the last ten min. or so of this classic WKRP episode, including Les's reporting, Venus and the gals listening to it in the studio, and Mr. C's most famous quote, on YouTube...type in WKRP turkeys. Enjoy. (a little bit of Googling finds that the episode was based on a real-life incident from decades earlier.)

feltva@hotmail.com said...

Seriously.. The story is real, the radio station is real, it's the city that doesn't really exist. "Cin-cin-nati"? Yeah right, who ever heard of such a place? If you're going to make up the name of a city, at least come up with something more believable... like “Charlesburg” or something. “Cincinnati” just sounds too fakey.

Anonymous said...

Sad but not as horrific as the broadcast of the Georgia Cat Chasing Championships - Cat chasing, for those of you who don't know, is the sport of cramming about eight skydivers and one cat into an airplane. When you get to 10,000 feet you toss the cat out. The skydivers then pile out and go after the cat. Whoever lands with the cat is the winner.

Just Google "Georgia Cat Chasing Championships" and you will see what I mean!

Anonymous said...

feltva@hotmail.com said... ""Cin-cin-nati"? Yeah right, who ever heard of such a place? If you're going to make up the name of a city, at least come up with something more believable... "



I hate people like this, Cincinnatti is in Ohio

Anonymous said...

I don't believe in Cincinati....I don't believe in the Tooth Fairy or Cleveland either.
But yesterday a wild turkey sat on my picket fence, and today I saw another one fly.

miscblogger said...

Poor guy ... poor turkeys! You'd think he would have realized that truth on the drop of the first turkey!

hacker not cracker

ILNY said...

LOL, as soon as i started reading the story i remembered poor les nessman and this episode.
what made this even funnier was reading all the comments from people too young or whatever to have seen this at some point in their lives, and taking great offense at one aspect or another. some people went to some lengths in their disturbance, and i died laughing at each one.
Thank You everyone who took this seriously in some way, and to whoever posted this.
LOL

ILNY said...

LOL, as soon as i started reading the story i remembered poor les nessman and this episode.
what made this even funnier was reading all the comments from people too young or whatever to have seen this at some point in their lives, and taking great offense at some aspect of this or another. some people went to some lengths in their disturbance, and i died laughing at each one.
Thank You everyone who took this seriously in some way, and to whoever posted this.
LOL

Eva Lyford said...

Thanks for the retro hit from the WKRP peace pipe.

Kay said...

The really bad news for Mother and I, who live on gruel as turkey would be far, far to great a luxery for the likes of us, is the predicted format change ( I mean, who really cares about turkeys.)

WKRP is the only radio station we can turn on that does not increase Mother's seizures. In fact, it has a sedating effect. Wonderful, as long as I can manage to stay awake, which is necissary since I must change her, well, politeness keeps me from mentioning the actual item, every hour.

WKRP must not change format, it's smooth, formaless sedation has become a medical neccisity in the Chzswkchyzctza household. Are there any authorities we can contact about this? Mother reacts quite violently to all the other stations. The vulgar language that usually accompanies the vile stuff that passes for mucic now adays does terrible terrible, things to Mother (and so too, to me, as I have to clean up, that's if I'm not too injured, of course. And there is so, so much to clean up.)

So, consider what mayhem might follow if some such vulgarity, -- like perhaps an odious epithet for nasal secretions,-- were ever to be broadcast on our beloved station.

I can not take responsibilty for the consequences.

Glynis Chzswkchyzctza

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Kacela said...

Best punchline ever...

Hulu has the full WKRP episode, called "Turkeys Away": http://www.hulu.com/watch/322/wkrp-in-cincinnati-turkeys-away