Sunday, November 05, 2006

Hussein Found "Not Guilty"; Americans Apologize & Quietly Leave Country

Azamiyah, Iraq--In a shocking turn of events, the Iraqi high council has declared Saddam Hussein "not guilty" of all charges relating to the 1982 massacre of 148 Shiites in the village of Dujail.

Though most of the twelve-person jury was murdered during the course of the trial, Iraqi law allowed the remaining three members to pass judgement on the former president.

"Unfortunately, the prosecution did not present us with any convincing evidence in this case. In addition, we were afraid if we came back with a 'guilty' verdict, Saddam was going to execute everyone in our family, and then dig up our departed relatives and kill them again as well," said jury foreperson Haddar el Shammani.

George Bush was one of the first to congratulate Hussein on his favorable verdict, as he vowed to immediately restore Hussein to power and pull our troops out from the country immediately. "No hard feelings there, buddy," offered a contrite George Bush minutes after the verdict was read.

"I know we've left your country a little worse for the wear, but we are willing to offer you an aid package totaling over thirty-thousand dollars," added Bush.

"That should be enough to restore the infrastructure of Iraq to pre-invasion conditions, and also pay for the construction of a few new statues to replace the ones we pulled down back in '03."

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