Sunday, December 24, 2006

Santa Claus Latest Victim Of Global Warming

North Pole--Santa Claus, the jolly old fellow who travels the world 'round to deliver toys to all the good girls and boys on Christmas, is resting comfortably in a North Pole hospital tonight after collapsing from heat exhaustion while loading up his enormous sleigh.

"Temperatures at the North Pole have not dipped below 75 degrees Fahrenheit this winter," explained a weary-sounding Mrs. Claus during an impromptu video-conference this morning.

"I told him to take off that stupid red suit for once, but he insisted on wearing it like the dammed stubborn fool that he is."

Hospital officials say that Santa's condition has stabilized, but that it is doubtful he will be able to make the long journey tonight in his present state. "We are hoping for some patience and understanding from the children of the world this year," explained a hospital spokesperson.

"If all goes well with his recovery, we expect to see old St. Nick up and around by mid-January, but we are asking him to take it easy for a few weeks after that and drink plenty of fluids."

In lieu of Santa delivering the presents in person, Mrs. Claus has contracted with FedEx to make the millions of deliveries to the good little girls and boys this year.

"We are asking parents to get up extra-early on Christmas morning to get the presents from the porch and put them under the tree before the kids catch on," stated Mrs. Claus.

When asked about her own wishes for the holiday, Mrs. Claus mentioned that she of course hoped to see her husband back on his feet again soon, but that she also wanted Santa to bring her a shiny new air conditioner for the workshop this year.

"I don't think I can deal will all those elves making toys in their shorts and undershirts much longer," sighed Mrs. Claus.

"It is not a pretty sight, let me tell you..."

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