Polite Music Pirates Gently Invade Canada

Arnprior, Ontario, Canada--The head of the Canadian Artists' Rights Protectorate (CARP) reports that his organization has finally charged a college student from Saskatoon with Canada's first case of music piracy.

"We have been searching for evidence of this type of crime in Canada, but have been unable to detect any infringing usage of Canadian music until now," said Roy L. Mounted, spokesperson for CARP.

Apparently, seminal Canadian bands such as Chilliwack, Men Without Hats, and Coney Hatch have failed to attract the attention of the downloading community thus far. Police Constable Mel "Mull" Muldoon states that the police even went as far as setting up a server "chock-full of mp3s" by such luminary Canadian artists as Gino Vanelli, Glass Tiger and Triumph, but nobody seemed willing to take the bait.

Constable Muldoon did mention that one file from the singer Andy Kim was accessed back in 2002, but it was quickly e-mailed back to the police with a note that read "Sorry--thought this was L'il Kim. My bad."

Nevertheless, as a strictly precautionary measure, Anne Murray and the 5 Man Electrical Band have been taken to a safehouse in an undisclosed location in Northern Canada for their own protection.

"We have to guard our national treasures" added spokesperson Mounted, "else we risk losing all that we Canadians hold dear to us forever."