Al Qaeda's "Greatest Threats" Now On DVD

Basra, Iraq--In a move predicted to generate millions of dollars for their holy war against America, the radical Islamist group al Qaeda has compiled a DVD box set of some of their most chilling televised messages broadcast to date. The collection, entitled Video Jihad: The Best of Al Qaeda Uncensored was released last week to take full advantage of the upcoming Valentine's Day holiday shopping surge.

"We noticed how popular these speeches were on YouTube, and figured we would get in on a piece the action," stated a masked al Qaeda operative who threatened to chop this reporter's head right off if his true identity was revealed.

"All your favorites are here--Bin Laden, Zarqawi, al Zawahiri and more! If they have ever wiggled a bony index finger in the air while shouting 'Death To America!', or threatened to blow up the White House, they are on this video."

"In addition, there are bloopers, outtakes, and extended ranting as well on this three-disc compilation. My favorite clip on the DVD is the one where Osama's turban keeps unraveling on-air during a recent taping."

"The look on his face is priceless," added the masked militant.

Amazon.com reports that sales of the DVD set have been brisk, but also that many copies are being returned with quality issues. "Basically, it looks like these discs were all burned on a laptop in some cave in Afghanistan during a sandstorm," reported an Amazon employee who begged not to be identified.

"Still, we are recommending that our customers only leave positive reviews for the collection on our site, if they know what is good for them."