Monday, September 17, 2007

O.J.'s New Book Prompts Rebuttal From Murder Victim's Father

Brentwood, CA--The impending release of author/double-murderer O.J. Simpson's If I Did It, a novel that some have called a thinly veiled confession to the 1994 murders of Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ronald Goldman, has inspired Ron's father Fred to pick up the pen and write a book of his own.

Simply titled If I Ran O.J. Over With My Fucking Car, & Then Dragged His Lifeless Body 500 Yards Until I Was Sure He Was Dead, the book describes a hypothetical situation in which the elder Mr. Goldman happens upon Simpson in the parking lot of his favorite golf course, and then accidentally mashes the accelerator to the floor and aims his car directly at him.

"Accidents happen every day," stated Goldman. "Of course, I would hate for any kind of terrible tragedy to befall Simpson, especially one involving the grille of my Escalade and his stupid fucking face."

"Really, my only reason for writing If I Did It is that I'm just trying to guess how this whole thing might have gone down," rebutted Simpson. "I watch a lot of crime shows and just thought I would take a stab at it. Because it is not like I was actually there that night, with a knife in my hand, sticking it into Ron Goldman's throat over and over again, even though Ron's blood was all over my shoes and clothing, and inside my old Bronco as well."

Simpson's book is expected to earn him millions, which he will undoubtedly find a way to keep hidden from the Goldman family, who have not received a penny of the thirty-three million dollar wrongful death settlement levied after Simpson was found responsible for the murders in a subsequent 1997 civil court decision.

In a related story, Simpson, who is currently being held in prison on an unrelated armed robbery, vows to track down the killers, and armed sports memorabilia robbers, and Fred Goldman, as soon as he is released from jail.

No comments: