eBay Gives The Green Light To Gasoline Auctions

San Jose, CA--Internet auction giant eBay announced Thursday that they will approve the auctioning of gasoline in approved containers on their popular trading website. "With the wild fluctuations in the price of fuel from state to state, and the expectation that costs will rise dramatically this summer due to tensions in the Middle East, we just figured the timing was right," stated eBay CEO Meg Whitman.

One of the first members to take advantage of this policy shift is Power Seller RedneckWoman27, based in Lubbock, Texas. "Fuel is a bit cheaper here in our area, so even with shipping, auction winners still save a few cents per gallon--especially if they are out in California," said the noted seller.

Elton Riggles, A local Glendale man, took it one step further yesterday by backing up a gas tanker to his house and filling his empty 18,000 gallon swimming pool with gasoline. "I figure the price is only gonna keep going up and up," said Riggles. "Soon, the contents of my pool with be worth more than my entire house. It's not so bad once you get used to the smell, and the fact that the kids are bitching all the time because they can't go swimming."

One early issue facing eBay is that some sellers are specifying "local pickup only" on their gasoline auctions. eBay CEO Whitman says that "depending on where you live, this may defeat the purpose of the auction entirely."

Another concerned party is the postal service, who are expecting to deliver thousands of leaky, rusted-out gasoline cans to their customers over the coming weeks. "Lots of people are angry already because their mail smells like gas, and every dog on your route wants a piece of you when you show up at the house in a HazMat suit," stated a local carrier, who wished to remain anonymous.

In addition, fire departments report a rash of gas siphoning accidents in all major metropolitan areas, not to mention a rash of mysterious "swimming pool fires" in recent days...