Michael Richards Says "I'm America's Forgotten Racist"

Hollywood, CA--Loathsome and largely forgotten sitcom star Michael Richards expressed concern on Thursday that the news has moved on to other topics too quickly, leaving him pretty much as they found him before an infamous comedy club performance in which he insulted African-American members of his audience in a misguided attempt at humor.

With all the recent attention placed on the firing of shock jock Don Imus after uttering some insensitive comments about the members of a female basketball team, Richards says he feels like he is not getting his fair share of scorn and ridicule from the public. "I guess I'm just not ready for America to stop hating on me yet."

"I'm still as offensive and reprehensible as ever," added Richards. "Yet I can also be very introspective and humble at times."

Richards gained notoriety last year for an impromptu racist rant he delivered during an otherwise lackluster stand-up comedy routine at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles.

"Furthermore, I would like to continue pursuing ways for me to dialog with the leaders of the Afro-American community, especially if the TV news crews would just agree to keep showing up to these meetings," added the much-reviled comedian.

In a recent puff piece for Fox news, Richards also claimed that he was still searching for "closure" and "healing," and hoped that the American public would continue to follow him in his "journey toward self-discovery."

"I forgot how great it was to have all of this attention pointed in my direction, and I am just not ready for it to end quite yet. Anybody still care to watch me roll my eyes, flail my arms around, and barge into a room in an unexpected fashion?"

"Hello...? Anybody...? Newman...?"

"N Word" Ban Confuses Many Americans

Los Angeles, CA--In a joint press conference held tonight in South Los Angeles, both Reverend Jesse Jackson and Congresswoman Maxine Waters urged all Americans to refrain from using the "n word" in a public setting, if they could possibly help it.

"We must all fight racism and intolerance at every turn by agreeing not to utter that offensive and repulsive word in polite company from this day forward," exclaimed Congresswoman Waters.

Reverend Jackson seconded this declaration, mentioning that "in his latest YouTube video, Mr. Kramer has shown us all just how much harm the 'n word' is capable of causing."

Reverend Jackson was of course referring to an infamous comedy routine recently performed by Seinfeld co-star Michael Richards, in which Richards used the "n word" 714 times in one night in an unsuccessful attempt to revive his waning career.

"I'm all for banning this so-called 'n word' thing," stated local investment banker Marvin Gardens, "but only under one condition, which is that they first tell us which word we are banning."

Mr. Gardens added that he has already seen the Michael Richards clip numerous times on television, but that "they always spell the word 'n$%&@!' up on the screen, and then bleep out the audio so I still have no idea what it is really."

"Until they decide to tell us, I guess I will go ahead and continue to refrain from using any words with percentage symbols and beeping sounds in them, just to be on the safe side."