tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356306442012-01-15T07:31:11.133-08:00A blog about politics, music and popular culture (not necessarily in that order)Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.comBlogger921100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-61032611265973065492008-10-07T02:54:00.000-07:002008-10-07T02:56:03.039-07:00

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-20030620743586274072008-06-04T17:55:00.001-07:002008-06-04T18:25:12.150-07:00

Washington, D.C.--In one of the most blatant economic boners in recent memory, Chairman of the Federal Reserve Benjamin Bernanke confirmed that the government failed to make good on nearly 1.2 million economic stimulus checks over the weekend."We are urging citizens to redeposit the checks, and we promise the funds are there now to cover the deposits," stammered Bernanke. The fed chair blamed

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-63673650048474117232008-02-28T12:56:00.000-08:002008-02-28T12:58:31.206-08:00

...at least according to one 5th grader.

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-32529452725770011462007-09-28T18:40:00.000-07:002007-09-28T18:41:54.067-07:00

The American Society of Medical Administrators (ASMA), the governing board that oversees medical licensure in the United States, is said to be considering "Googling" as an alternate path to a medical degree.This new program may soon be a real option for students who complete four years of undergraduate work, and are then able to earn qualifying scores on the MCAT exam. In the past, this test

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-49949025277067350172007-09-17T02:29:00.000-07:002007-09-17T03:35:12.044-07:00

Brentwood, CA--The impending release of author/double-murderer O.J. Simpson's If I Did It, a novel that some have called a thinly veiled confession to the 1994 murders of Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ronald Goldman, has inspired Ron's father Fred to pick up the pen and write a book of his own.Simply titled If I Ran O.J. Over With My Fucking Car, & Then Dragged His Lifeless Body 500 Yards Until I Was

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-86567980764988972452007-09-04T06:35:00.001-07:002007-09-04T06:35:24.453-07:00

Contrary to all the rumors swirling around today, Apple PR spokesperson announces that there are no plans to replace the current 5th gen iPod.read more | digg story

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-58589335647443151892007-08-24T04:11:00.001-07:002007-08-24T04:11:05.611-07:00

According to an unnamed source inside Apple, the world's favorite music player is about to get a very radical makeover.read more | digg story

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-88765158577297657182007-08-19T17:41:00.000-07:002007-08-19T17:57:02.816-07:00

Popular musician Moby was looking forward to celebrating his 42nd birthday this month, until he realized that the revelry might be overshadowed by the events commemorating the 6th anniversary of the World Trade Center bombings in New York City.Moby, whose real name is Richard Melville Hall, was born on September 11, 1965 in Harlem, New York. He is a direct descendant of Herman Melville, author

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-66724167273322900562007-08-13T06:25:00.001-07:002007-08-13T06:27:31.124-07:00

Pasadena, TX--Journeyman electrician and social activist Isaac Leibowitz can claim that he owns one of the few Apple iPhones made in the United States, because he actually put it together himself!"I was reading about the oppresive conditions in the Chinese factories that produce the iPod, and wanted to do something to help the workers overseas," said Leibowitz. "So I tracked down the suppliers of

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-23611311393308739602007-08-09T10:23:00.000-07:002007-08-09T10:26:45.063-07:00

Just what are they trying to say at this intersection near Music Row in Nashville?

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-88121034306237006402007-07-24T12:41:00.001-07:002007-07-24T13:04:29.906-07:00

Washington, DC--In a terse public statement, Vice-President Dick Cheney blamed his wife Lynne for failing to wake him up early when he assumed the duties of the presidency for just over two hours last Saturday.Cheney was sworn in as President at 7:16 in the morning Eastern time just before President Bush was administered a mild anesthesia during a routing surgical procedure at Bethesda Naval

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-12529722788725723872007-07-21T06:52:00.001-07:002007-07-21T06:52:54.992-07:00

"We've done three recordings featuring songs from Sinatra and Crosby, so it is only natural that we move into the era of popular music," said Stewart. "However, when I looked into recording songs from the '60s and '70s, I was amazed to learn that some of the best ones were originally recorded by me!"read more | digg story

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-9905386212875814472007-07-07T15:38:00.000-07:002007-07-07T15:40:44.503-07:00

Washington, DC--President Bush paid a surprise visit Thursday to the National Association of Grocery Stores (NAGS) annual convention in Omaha, Nebraska. In a short statement, the president asked all major American supermarket chains to strongly consider opening up their membership "loyalty card" databases to the NSA. "By analyzing purchases made by customers of these retailers, the NSA and

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-7445349285632613642007-07-01T06:45:00.001-07:002007-07-01T06:45:49.443-07:00

In keeping with this week’s patriotic theme, I sat down with digg.com CEO Jay Adelson on the 4th of July last year to discuss the anniversary of the bicentennial, safe handling of fireworks, and his initial response to the overwhelming success of his website. What a difference a year makes--just look at digg now!read more | digg story

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-17273861471245674522007-06-07T07:00:00.000-07:002007-06-07T07:03:58.949-07:00

San Jose, CA--Internet auction giant eBay announced Thursday that they will approve the auctioning of gasoline in approved containers on their popular trading website. "With the wild fluctuations in the price of fuel from state to state, and the expectation that costs will rise dramatically this summer due to tensions in the Middle East, we just figured the timing was right," stated eBay CEO Meg

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-25998807221840456722007-04-27T09:38:00.000-07:002007-04-27T09:39:42.954-07:00

This really takes the cake!

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-881607059838745632007-04-15T10:42:00.001-07:002007-04-15T10:42:36.596-07:00

From the clunk of the 8-track tape changing tracks to the symphony of beeps and boings of the dial-up modem, these are sounds many of us grew up with that we rarely hear today.read more | digg story

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-85570814698968907262007-04-14T08:49:00.000-07:002007-04-14T09:09:21.038-07:00

Hollywood, CA--Loathsome and largely forgotten sitcom star Michael Richards expressed concern on Thursday that the news has moved on to other topics too quickly, leaving him pretty much as they found him before an infamous comedy club performance in which he insulted African-American members of his audience in a misguided attempt at humor.With all the recent attention placed on the firing of

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-32137281914079298782007-04-05T20:12:00.001-07:002007-04-09T18:38:10.264-07:00

My exit will be closed for how long, exactly?

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-47648191905662055322007-03-26T05:49:00.000-07:002007-03-26T06:28:12.132-07:00

Nassau, Bahamas--After an exhaustive examination of the facts surrounding the death of our beloved Anna-Nicole Smith, we now have conclusive proof explaining the exact cause of her death."Makes perfect sense to me," stated Howard K. Stern, Anna-Nicole's lawyer and romantic affiliate. "I'll get behind any theory that points the blame somewhere else."Mr. Simpson was not available for comment, as

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-48426979686210042782007-03-23T19:36:00.001-07:002007-03-23T19:36:17.427-07:00

Photos taken today of the rock quarry that served as the original Batman TV series shooting location.read more | digg story

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-56666138748121569402007-03-20T11:31:00.001-07:002007-03-20T11:31:21.039-07:00

The adventures of a VERY well-traveled can of beans. Where will they pop up next, I wonder?read more | digg story

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-56340787734264704012007-03-17T16:21:00.001-07:002007-03-17T16:21:14.382-07:00

Dinny, the concrete Apatosaurus, stands 45 feet high and features a tacky religious gift shop in his belly. Mr. Rex, towering over Dinny at 65 feet, affords you a spectacular view of the 10 Freeway from the cramped observation deck located inside his mouth.read more | digg story

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-54760486038021762212007-03-04T15:15:00.000-08:002007-03-04T16:57:47.801-08:00

Nassau, Bahamas--At the request of her lawyer and soulmate Howard K. Stern, Anna-Nicole Smith's coffin has been fitted with a solar-powered infra-red camera that will send a live feed to a newly-created website, watchannarot.com."I don't think the public has quite had their fill of Anna-Nicole mania yet," claimed Stern, "so for $19.99 a month, you can subscribe to the site and spend a little more

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-69939541448336782762007-03-04T14:29:00.001-08:002007-03-04T14:29:55.405-08:00

The bastard love-child of an '85 Panasonic boombox & a 1st Gen 5 gig iPod!read more | digg story

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-6280487309913806992007-02-22T14:03:00.001-08:002007-02-22T14:03:00.909-08:00

In a tersely worded press release, Major League Baseball sent a strong message to thousands of college, high-school, and Little League athletes who someday hoped to become professional baseball players: "You're too late."read more | digg story

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-73906769520121668662007-02-17T16:23:00.000-08:002007-02-18T09:06:18.654-08:00

Foster City, CA---Popular social bookmarking site Digg.com announced that they will be abandoning the "one vote per user" policy that has been a prominent feature of the website since its inception in 2004."Basically, we felt that our users should be able to express their enthusiasm for the stories submitted to our website by 'digging' them as many times as they wanted," stated founder and CEO

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-18897829098221066092007-02-15T07:38:00.000-08:002007-02-15T08:11:57.507-08:00

Huntsville, AL--In a shocking announcement this morning, Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales announced that the "free encyclopedia that anyone can edit" will no longer allow users to add or alter any content on the popular website."Basically, we have achieved what we set out to do," claims Wales. "There is nothing out there in the world today that you can't read about on Wikipedia.""Besides, we just

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-36990284368787468252007-02-13T09:50:00.000-08:002007-02-13T10:21:49.757-08:00

Kingman, AZ--Homer Winston, a 94-year-old veteran of World War 2, was suprised to find a letter in his mailbox this weekend asking him to please return to active duty with the United States Marine Corps. According to Winston, "I told them to keep me on the inactive reserve list six decades ago, just in case they needed me again.""I haven't been out of bed in close to three years and have never

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-25107007353393992762007-02-12T12:07:00.000-08:002007-02-12T12:15:46.185-08:00

In the new Mike Judge film Idiocracy, Luke Wilson is frozen in an Army experiment, and wakes up in 2505 to find he is the smartest man in America. Unfortunately, Netflix apparently thinks that 2505 is still a thousand years away...

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-14670600061739832732007-02-10T09:22:00.000-08:002007-02-10T09:47:04.001-08:00

New York, NY--In a shocking admission likely to fascinate and confuse those of us already following this story (and really, who isn't), shock jock Howard Stern admitted to sleeping with Anna Nicole Smith soon after she appeared on his popular radio program at the beginning of 2006."Yeah, I banged her," explained Stern. "And it was right around the time when she got pregnant with that kid as

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-80700861586390969292007-02-09T07:20:00.001-08:002007-02-09T07:21:29.892-08:00

Basra, Iraq--In a move predicted to generate millions of dollars for their holy war against America, the radical Islamist group al Qaeda has compiled a DVD box set of some of their most chilling televised messages broadcast to date. The collection, entitled Video Jihad: The Best of Al Qaeda Uncensored was released last week to take full advantage of the upcoming Valentine's Day holiday shopping

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-90720101296197901992007-02-05T08:09:00.000-08:002007-02-05T10:23:11.344-08:00

Cupertino, CA--The Apple Corporation is looking for an explanation from CBS after they failed to air a commercial announcing the upcoming release of The Beatles song catalog on their iTunes music downloading service. The 30 second long advertisement was scheduled to air immediately before the halftime presentation of yesterday's Super Bowl XLI broadcast, but was shelved by CBS when they

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-80901187253439424852007-01-28T09:41:00.000-08:002008-08-04T04:56:10.683-07:00

New York, NY-- After a recent Wikipedia article confirmed what many of us have suspected for years, aging pop crooner Barry Manilow admitted today that he is not music, and he did not write the songs."Well, I wrote a lot of other songs, like the theme for American Bandstand," explained Manilow. "I just didn't write that song."Apparently, "I Write The Songs," a song covered by dozens of other

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-13943579084311805022007-01-23T07:12:00.000-08:002007-01-23T07:55:13.156-08:00

Washington, DC--With his approval rating at an all-time low of 28%, President Bush has decided to cancel tonight's State of The Union speech, opting instead to host something called "The First Annual George Bush 'Drunken State' of The Union Beer Bash.""We're gonna party like it's 1999," exclaimed Bush. "Back when my approval rating was still in the double digits, and the Iraqis were killing each

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-23481646938176258942007-01-21T14:09:00.000-08:002007-01-21T15:03:31.039-08:00

Check out this wacky sign located in New Cuyama, CA. The concept may be flawed, but at least the math is correct!

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-63423747308772974292007-01-20T07:36:00.000-08:002007-04-24T09:55:47.173-07:00

As a public service of this blog, we now present to you some timely advice on sex and love from a 1917 medical manual written by the well-respected doctor of medical things pertaining to women, William J. Robinson, M.D., editor of the American Journal of Sexology.On Single Mothers:"If a woman is so unfortunate as to be unable to get anybody to produce an abortion, she gives birth to an

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-13477278554590634212007-01-19T20:33:00.000-08:002007-01-19T20:46:02.136-08:00

Bloomington, MN--The Secret Service reluctantly reported tonight that President Bush has gone missing somewhere inside the Mall of America. "He was begging us to let him ride the merry-go-round one more time," explained special agent Nathan Watt-Roy, "and somehow, we just lost sight of him for a minute."The president, who was killing some time at the mall after a televised speech to the

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-22900198222063463662007-01-17T20:37:00.000-08:002007-01-17T20:50:33.755-08:00

Hello? Hello??? I know you are there, I can hear you giggling in the background. Just what is so goddammned funny, huh?When I find out who you are, you are all in big trouble! Don't you whippersnappers have anything better to do with your time? Why don't you all just leave me the hell alone!

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-23598410956112685222007-01-12T07:44:00.000-08:002007-01-12T07:55:26.684-08:00

Washington, DC--In a recent blog posting, President Bush called for a national day of mourning on January 15th for anyone unlucky enough to have purchased a 5th generation Apple iPod+Video just days before the release of the kick-ass iPhone last Tuesday."I know it seemed like this day would never arrive," said the President in his weekly blog update. "And I know many of my fellow Americans have

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-77832754240046980002007-01-08T21:40:00.000-08:002007-01-08T22:26:58.163-08:00

New York, NY--In an impromptu press conference, multi-billionaire asshat Donald Trump claimed that Rosie O'Donnell was responsible for the putrid stench permeating most of lower Manhattan today."All I'm saying is that the day she gets back into town from her vacation, things start to stink again around here real quick," claimed Trump. "I tried stuffing thousand dollar bills up my nose to mask

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-47283866236809371522007-01-07T12:26:00.000-08:002007-01-07T13:26:46.232-08:00

Burbank, CA--Unemployed computer programmer Elton Riggles has spent the last seven years holed away in his Burbank bomb shelter, patiently awaiting the eventual collapse of society due to the Y2K bug."Yes, I am fully aware that this year marks the seventh anniversary of the so-called 'Millennium Bug' non-event in our history. I get plenty good TV reception down here still, ya know," Riggles cried

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-46165966360877664872007-01-07T08:54:00.000-08:002007-01-07T11:16:06.124-08:00

Washington, DC--In a recent White House press conference, President Bush attempted to silence his detractors by holding fast to the position that Iraqis were somehow involved in events related to 7/11."Everytime I make my limo driver Stan stop at a 7/11 to pick me up an Extreme Big Gulp and some lottery tickets, I see some Iraqi-looking fella behind the counter," claimed President Bush."I am not

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-5886638553252764522007-01-04T07:10:00.000-08:002007-01-05T08:55:31.060-08:00

New York City, NY--The feuding between billionaire Donald Trump and itinerant talk show host Rosie O' Donnell took a strange turn last night when "The Donald" paid an unexpected "booty call" to Ms. O'Donnell's SoHo loft."All this bickering between us started getting me kind of hot," stated Trump. "I know my wife Melanoma is eight months pregnant, but the heart wants what it wants."O'Donnell, who

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-34055241772416517702006-12-31T07:58:00.000-08:002007-01-01T11:56:37.828-08:00

From the desk of George W. Bush--January 1st, 2007Good morning, my fellow Americans. As we begin a new year here in America, I think it is always wise and smart to reflect back upon the year that we just lived through, to remember the things we shouldn't forget.For me, it was a year to be proud of. I think we made great progress in Iraq, and I can safely say now that we are somewhat closer to

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1689265934269361462006-12-24T06:37:00.000-08:002006-12-24T08:25:45.833-08:00

North Pole--Santa Claus, the jolly old fellow who travels the world 'round to deliver toys to all the good girls and boys on Christmas, is resting comfortably in a North Pole hospital tonight after collapsing from heat exhaustion while loading up his enormous sleigh."Temperatures at the North Pole have not dipped below 75 degrees Fahrenheit this winter," explained a weary-sounding Mrs. Claus

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-52537437219142637592006-12-19T07:02:00.000-08:002006-12-19T07:27:48.894-08:00

Everywhere, USA--With the winter chill setting in, many of us will be moving our charcoal grills inside to provide a quick and tasty snack, not to mention some additional warmth, over the joyous holiday season.Here are some timely tips to get the best results from your indoor barbequing from the culinary experts here at The Politics of Dancing.1: Make sure to always use the lid when grilling

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-11482027789631266942006-12-17T23:25:00.000-08:002006-12-17T23:34:50.604-08:00

Arnprior, Ontario, Canada--The head of the Canadian Artists' Rights Protectorate (CARP) reports that his organization has finally charged a college student from Saskatoon with Canada's first case of music piracy."We have been searching for evidence of this type of crime in Canada, but have been unable to detect any infringing usage of Canadian music until now," said Roy L. Mounted, spokesperson

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-58661237127228509702006-12-16T12:35:00.000-08:002006-12-17T09:42:10.208-08:00

Burbank, CA--A local mother is in stable condition after swallowing a 'AA' cell battery that became dislodged from the Nintendo Wii remote during a particularly spirited bowling match."I had just made an incredible 7-10 split in Nintendo Bowling when the battery cover became loose on the 'Wiimote,' explained local exterminator Jim 'Bugs' Reynolds. Next thing I knew, I saw a friggin' Duracell '

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-5328453221941575072006-12-16T09:51:00.000-08:002006-12-20T19:21:32.966-08:00

Bangalore, India--A new service offers hope to the millions of bloggerswho are unable to keep up with the daunting task of updating their blogs on a daily basis.A company called We Write, U Pay, located in Bangalore, India, now retains a staff of six thousand writers who are all well-versed in common American blogging conventions. For a monthly fee of only $35 USD, the company guarantees to

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-40712283309107549782006-12-07T12:09:00.000-08:002006-12-07T12:20:23.419-08:00

Cupertino. CA--After numerous consumer complaints on forums and message boards, the Apple corporation is considering a recall of all second generation iPod Shuffle mp3 players to fix a serious defect in the trendy and popular music devices.Apparently, after conducting some high-level focus groups to deal with the issue, Apple now admits that the form factor of the redesigned iPod Shuffle is now

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-41794086976917834012006-12-05T08:01:00.000-08:002006-12-05T19:02:07.749-08:00

Malibu, CA--In a private ceremony held near Malibu Cove yesterday, George Clooney eulogized his pet pig "Max," who passed away from natural causes this week at the ripe-old pig age of 18.Clooney's pig, who suffered from arthritis and was partly blind to boot, died alone in his ultra-deluxe pig pen when Clooney was away from home promoting his new film The Good German.Clooney, barely choking back

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-35664497428825280762006-12-03T07:38:00.000-08:002006-12-03T07:42:48.854-08:00

Burbank, CA--Local phone sales representative Elton Riggles is embarrassed to admit that he spent the better part of his day on Saturday patiently waiting for evidence of his direct deposit to show up in his bank account."At my last telemarketing job, they just paid cash," said Riggles, "but sometimes I lost it on the way to the bank. Well, OK, I lost it at the bar on the way to the bank.""But,

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-3857792605231548692006-11-30T10:25:00.000-08:002006-11-30T11:00:35.986-08:00

Mountain View, CA--One of Google's longest running services, Google Answers, was abruptly shut down today after a four-year run on the popular searching site.The service offered trained "researchers" who would seek out answers to burning questions submitted by users willing to pay Google for the same service that any public library gladly provides free of charge. The questions usually ranged

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-86337784034298625292006-11-29T14:53:00.000-08:002006-11-29T15:06:13.243-08:00

Arlington, VA--After five years of searching for terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden, the director of the CIA has given up and recalled all of his operatives back to Washington."We have cried 'come out, come out wherever you are' numerous times, in English and in Arabic, but this guy just won't play fair," said CIA Director Hunt S. Finito in a recent press conference."If you remember back when

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-61837902047871789812006-11-28T12:08:00.000-08:002006-11-28T12:16:43.310-08:00

Pasadena, TX--Journeyman electrician and social activist Isaac Leibowitz can claim that he owns one of the few iPod Nanos made in the United States, because he actually put it together himself!"I was reading about the oppresive conditions in the Chinese factories that produce the iPod, and wanted to do something to help the workers overseas," said Leibowitz."So I tracked down the suppliers of all

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-30977416433191725592006-11-27T20:20:00.001-08:002006-11-27T21:19:19.041-08:00

Los Angeles, CA--In a joint press conference held tonight in South Los Angeles, both Reverend Jesse Jackson and Congresswoman Maxine Waters urged all Americans to refrain from using the "n word" in a public setting, if they could possibly help it."We must all fight racism and intolerance at every turn by agreeing not to utter that offensive and repulsive word in polite company from this day

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-54529996666218411002006-11-24T11:47:00.000-08:002006-11-24T12:25:22.788-08:00

Burbank, CA--Local community college student Elton Riggles reports that he has been the victim of merciless teasing from friends and relatives after announcing plans to stay away from the stores altogether on November 24th, a day of shopping that many look forward to all year.Known informally as "Black Friday," this once-a-year event promises huge mark-downs and extended hours as retailers kick

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-7504623232795244112006-11-23T07:00:00.000-08:002006-11-24T06:34:31.285-08:00

Cincinnati, OH--An advertising stunt dreamed up by a local Cincinnati radio station went terribly wrong when twenty live turkeys plummeted to their deaths after being dropped out of a helicopter under the misguided assumption that they would all just fly away."The turkeys were hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement," stated Les Nessman, who reported the event live for station WKRP from the

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com82tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-16927590722240042032006-11-20T07:27:00.000-08:002007-01-26T07:57:30.218-08:00

Hollywood, CA--Britney Spears' eldest son Jayden James was "visibly shaken" after sitting through nearly four hours of unedited video footage of his parents "doing it" in various rooms of their Malibu mansion.Ms. Spears, who has threatened to give away a remastered version of the infamous "four hour sex tape" that her ex-husband Kevin Federline keeps claiming to possess, thought nothing of

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-85762498245772843942006-11-16T06:44:00.000-08:002006-11-17T13:54:39.936-08:00

Glendale, CA--Unemployed dog groomer Wayne Gaval, who spent most of last evening in line at the Best Buy #44 in Glendale praying that one of the people standing in front of him "wouldn't survive the night," was disappointed this morning that everyone there had indeed lived to see another day."I figured that somebody up there might just keel over and die," said Gaval, "but I guess the competition

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1163262742390515122006-11-11T08:24:00.000-08:002006-11-15T22:23:04.479-08:00

The American Society of Medical Administrators (ASMA), the governing board that oversees medical licensure in the United States, is said to be considering "Googling" as an alternate path to a medical degree.This new program may soon be a real option for students who complete four years of undergraduate work, and are then able to earn qualifying scores on the MCAT exam. In the past, this test

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1163185479778423692006-11-10T10:58:00.000-08:002006-11-15T22:23:04.389-08:00

The decision not to release "Borat!" in Kazakhstan has apparently been a boon to the republic’s street vendors, many of whom recently have been seen selling bootlegged copies of the controversial movie from pushcarts and car boots in the local markets. Apparently, the movie was secretly filmed during one of its many premiers last month, and shipped overseas by a Russian student studying in the US

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1163019030092187082006-11-08T12:43:00.000-08:002006-12-31T07:58:08.601-08:00

Washington, DC--In an impromptu press conference held in the Oval Office today, President Bush expressed little regret upon hearing the news that Donald Rumsfeld, his Secretary of Defense, had abruptly resigned from his position this morning."Rummy was a terrible secretary," stated Bush. "He never once topped up my coffee without me asking first, and he was always unwilling to lie and say that I

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1162993517027907292006-11-08T05:16:00.000-08:002006-11-15T22:23:04.187-08:00

In a recent informal survey of top newspapers and websites, it was discovered that nearly 84% of all feature writers independently chose to go with the headline Oops, She Did It Again to lead off their stories on Britney Spears' recently announced separation from her immensely untalented husband Kevin Federline."It was just too tempting to ignore," said Dallas Morning Star journalist Harve

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1162745853626469172006-11-05T08:55:00.000-08:002006-11-15T22:23:04.119-08:00

Reprinted by kind permission of the now defunct Defiant Salmon weekly newsletter.In keeping with this week’s patriotic theme, I sat down with digg.com CEO Jay Adelson on the 4th of July to discuss the anniversary of the bicentennial, safe handling of fireworks, and his initial response to the overwhelming success of the recent "3.0" revision of his website.In case you have been away from the

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1162735662953773352006-11-05T05:48:00.000-08:002006-11-17T05:45:44.701-08:00

Azamiyah, Iraq--In a shocking turn of events, the Iraqi high council has declared Saddam Hussein "not guilty" of all charges relating to the 1982 massacre of 148 Shiites in the village of Dujail.Though most of the twelve-person jury was murdered during the course of the trial, Iraqi law allowed the remaining three members to pass judgement on the former president."Unfortunately, the prosecution

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1162683409099725712006-11-04T15:30:00.000-08:002006-11-15T22:23:03.990-08:00

Samarqand, Uzbekistan--The Sons of Uzbek Defence Squadron (SUDS) released a statement early this morning claiming that they have apprehended Kazakh journalist Borat Sagdiyev, and are detaining him for questioning indefinitely at an undisclosed location near Samarqand."Even though there are few English-speaking citizens of Uzbekistan, we understand the meaning of this word 'asshole' he use in

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1162667181012604702006-11-04T11:05:00.000-08:002006-11-15T22:23:03.929-08:00

Cupertino, CA--During a recent press conference, Apple PR spokesperson Ellen Doppler sadly announced that the company is abandoning all efforts to replace the currently available 5th generation video-enabled iPod. "Basically, we have decided that the eighty-gigabyte iPod + video is good enough for the average consumer of today, and also of the foreseeable future. I mean, it plays songs, videos,

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1162514829031222692006-11-02T16:16:00.000-08:002006-11-15T22:23:03.865-08:00

Mykonos, Greece--Arnold Schwarzenegger, California's incumbent governor, is drawing heavy fire from critics who accuse him of traveling back in time to kill the grandfather of his opponent in the upcoming gubernatorial election, thereby negating the existence of Phil Angelides in its entirety.We've got thousands of pins and visors already printed with Phil's picture on them, but all of a sudden,

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1162215539636818882006-10-30T05:14:00.000-08:002006-11-18T18:58:49.060-08:00

Salem, MA--A publicity staffer for VH1's popular reality television series Celebrity Paranormal Project announced Thursday that the show has won the coveted "Best Reason To End It All" award this year.This honor, which is given out each year by American Nihilist magazine, recognizes outstanding achievement in the area of "making us feel like there is really just no reason to carry on," stated

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1162057737138471042006-10-28T10:47:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:03.742-08:00

Trenton, NJ--In a 4-3 decision made last Wednesday, the New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that committed same-sex couples must be granted the same rights and benefits enjoyed by opposite-sex couples under the civil marriage statutes.While this would seem to be welcome news for all supporters of the gay marriage issue, many committed same-sex couples expressed mixed feelings about the landmark

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1161962434728291822006-10-27T07:51:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:03.487-08:00

Washington, DC--President Bush has just signed into law a bill that authorizes an initial 1.2 billion dollar downpayment on a plan to build 700 miles of fencing along the southern US border to keep our citizens from fleeing to Mexico.The new law, known as the Secure Fence Act, provides for the construction of a highly-fortified, double-layered barrier which is to be patrolled night and day by

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1161717266571100732006-10-24T12:12:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:03.420-08:00

(Reprinted without permission from the Traverse City Sentinel, Traverse City, MI.)A couple weeks ago, I was leafing through the newspaper when I noticed that an interesting-sounding foreign film was playing at The Traverse City Film Festival this year. The film, called "Borak: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan," was supposed to be a documentary made by

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1161704042592794592006-10-24T08:33:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:03.359-08:00

Saginaw, MI--Local college student Benjamin Roberts had the shock of his life last Thursday when he retrieved a voice mail message sent from none other than the President of the United States himself. "George Bush called to congratulate me on getting accepted to Delta College, and also expressed his heartfelt condolences regarding my grandmother, who passed away last August," said Roberts. "In

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1161629057619603462006-10-23T11:39:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:03.283-08:00

Baja California--In a recent press conference, President Bush expressed concern that American hurricanes would not be able to find much work in the future if storm systems like Paul continued to escape from Mexico and enter the United States illegally."We must put all of our efforts into keeping hurricanes like Paul out of our country, since they bring wages down for local cyclones, and tend to

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1161440620821895352006-10-21T07:23:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:03.222-08:00

Pyongyang, North Korea--Yesterday, North Korean nutjob Kim Jong-Il announced that his country would refrain from testing any more of their nuclear weapons, for the simple reason that they have run out of them."After years of very painful trial and error, we finally figured out how to make one," stated current North Korean Official Minister of Nuclear Explosions Jim Bong-Full. The minister went on

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1161233006254622672006-10-18T21:18:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:03.159-08:00

London, England--After participating in a controversial adoption of a Malawian orphan boy last week that some have called an outright kidnapping, pop star Madonna is now claiming parental rights to Britney Spears' newborn son as well.Britney's second son, Sutton Pierce, was born to Spears last month in a Santa Monica hospital. The father is rumored to be her generally good-for-nothing husband

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1161185609703400062006-10-18T08:32:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:03.099-08:00

Beverly Hills, CA--Aging demonic rocker Ozzy Osbourne has announced his retirement from the music business in the wake of comments recently made by Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez describing George Bush as a "racist, imperialist devil.""All my life, people have called me 'The Prince of Darkness,' even me mum," said Osbourne in a recent press gathering at his Beverly Hills estate."It kind of

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1161065350034699102006-10-16T22:33:00.000-07:002007-03-04T15:03:48.870-08:00

Sierra Madre, CA--Unemployed house painter Oscar Goldman, who was infected with the AIDS virus over a decade ago while addicted to heroin, reports that the symptoms of his disease have not eased much since his purchase of a red iPod Nano last week."Both Steve Jobs and Bono said that buying this red Nano would help in the global fight against AIDS, but truthfully, I feel just as crappy as ever,"

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160966414464503762006-10-15T19:39:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.964-08:00

Inglewood, CA--The proprietor of Sandy's Donuts, a Los Angeles landmark of sorts, was surprised to learn that his shop had recently been placed on the Office of Homeland Security's list of likely al-Qaeda terror targets."I mean, I know it is one mother of a donut, but we did that to attract customers, not terrorists," said franchise owner Sandy Cruller. "Maybe our proximity to the LAX airport,

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160960241081338392006-10-15T17:56:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.903-08:00

Los Angeles, CA--An unusual proposal by The Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department to market a set of trading cards featuring some of the most notorious sexual deviants in Southern California drew a decidedly mixed response during a recent public hearing on the matter.Seen as a way to offset the cost of housing, processing & keeping track of the nearly 12,000 registered sex offenders who now

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160926871752495462006-10-15T08:12:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.845-08:00

Mountain View, CA--Six fully-loaded semi trucks backed up to the loading dock at the Googleplex last week, swung their doors wide open, and began the arduous process of transferring the physical assets of YouTube.com to the Google corporation.YouTube.com, a popular video sharing website, was purchased last week by Google, for a total of nearly 1.65 billion dollars worth of Google stock, or nearly

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160839563567054862006-10-14T08:24:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.787-08:00

Berkeley, CA--Popular social networking website MySpace.com announced on Friday that they plan to gradually roll out the subscription phase of their business model over the next three months. The service, dubbed MySpace Plus, will be offered to the site's nearly 100 million unique users at an introductory cost of $9.95 a month. Subscribers to the service will enjoy faster page loading, access

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160762934333593702006-10-13T11:07:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.723-08:00

Terre Haute, IN--In a move designed to free fat and lazy Americans from having to actually get up and grab the phone, The Home Shopping Network and Time Warner Cable have announced a partnership to bring shopping by remote control to all of its subscribers by 2007."With just a few clicks of the remote, customers will be able to order virtually anything we sell on HSN, without having to put down

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160655841594514362006-10-12T05:22:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.661-08:00

San Jose, CA--Internet auction giant eBay announced Thursday that they have approved the auctioning of gasoline on their popular trading website. "With the wild fluctuations in the price of fuel from state to state, and the expectation that costs will rise dramatically this winter due to tensions in the Middle East, we just figured the timing was right," stated eBay CEO Meg Whitman.One of the

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160613854558450872006-10-11T17:42:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.602-08:00

Springfield, MO—A local college student thought he could handle the fact that his 1989 Saab 900 was stolen over the weekend, until he realized that the 30 gigabyte video iPod in the glove compartment was worth more than three times the present value of his car!Music major Geoff Coleman was headed off to band practice when he noticed that his car was missing from its assigned space in the dorm

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160570495014974572006-10-11T05:35:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.543-08:00

Baghdad, Iraq—In a recent speech broadcast on Al-Jazeera television, Iraq called on America to facilitate the "swift and safe return" of terrorist mastermind Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's personal effects. "We insist that George Bush complies with our demands at once. Besides, some of the items in Zarqawi's possession at the time he was killed were issued to him by his employer, al-Qaeda, and Bush has

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160483389772645532006-10-10T05:27:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.484-08:00

In a bold experiment sure to send shock waves through the music industry, internet company Yahoo has released its first music download from a major record label lacking any discernible content whatsoever.A Public Affair by Jessica Simpson is the first recording available from the popular music downloading service that has no identifiable value to any person currently living anywhere on the Planet

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160401135086215622006-10-09T06:38:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.425-08:00

Washington, DC--Today's announcement that North Korea has successfully tested one of their nuclear weapons has prompted George Bush to question when we last tested our own."I remember seeing those films in high school science with the mushroom clouds and the melting trees, but they were in black and white," noted Bush."We haven't had a black and white TV for years!""I know we dropped a couple of

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160344808691770452006-10-08T14:38:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.360-08:00

Washington, DC--In a stunning announcement this morning, General Tommy Franks outlined our government's plan to divide war-torn Iraq into three separate regions, or "zones," each with a distinct flavor and personality. "The citizens of Iraq will have 90 days to move into one of these zones, assuming of course that they have the means to travel safely without military escort. If not, we will

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35630644.post-1160244344465199042006-10-07T11:05:00.000-07:002006-11-15T22:23:02.198-08:00

Seoul, South Korea--A representative of the North Korean embassy reports that military officials have captured and rendered harmless a U.S. sub that strayed from international waters last Saturday. The sub is currently on display at the Museum of our Great and Merciless Leader in Pyongyang.The sub, which measures twelve inches from bow to stern, was unmanned at the time of capture. From photos

Sam L. Parityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06720609022353896927noreply@blogger.com0